"You have to CHANGE YOUR NAME." said my dad one fine day.
"Why? I LOVE my own name." shocked.
"This is for your own good!!" Then he walked away.
Woo Rou-Bin. That's my Identification, birth certificate name. My dad works in a rice company. Manager you can say. He deals projects with China man's. He thinks business is ok. I think he dropped from A to Z. It's not that bad. Sad case. He went to a Chinese scholar. Like the people who looks at what you call 'Feng Shui'. He asked the scholar to change my name. To be a better person and stuff. I was so pissed. My name doesn't sound nice? I'm not good? I was speechless at the thought. My new name is now ELAN WOO. 胡尹岚. How do you feel if you're called 'LAN' everyday? Somehow i really feel this is stupid, bullshit. He told me changing my name is good. Good things??
1. Health
2. Beauty
3. Wisdom
4. Filial
If i would add another would be bullshit. WHAT THE HELL!! My parents forced me like mad whey. They went WIKIPEDIA and search for my name. Many things. Forced me to open an email account. Lecture me like crazy about this. To me changing my name is like changing everything. We were born with that name. We use it. We live with our names. We don't change it. I don't like people calling me that. I HATE!! HATE!! HATE!! But as a human being. What can i do?? My parents pay for my college fee's, my pocket money, my expenses, food, lodging and stuff. I must do it. I must change it. I'm still pissed. VERY PISSED. I don't feel good. I feel like i want to cry at times. I just don't feel like going home anymore. I want to keep myself busy outside of my house, my family. I don't like people calling me and wanting me to be who i am not. I want to be who i am. I am Woo Rou-Bin. I'm not some freaky person called Elan. BULLSHIT!! As a daughter i cannot do that. I forced myself then. Even though i don't look like a accept it sincerely in front of my parents. They still think i accept it.
I never had much freedom when i was a kid. I wanted to go to the park or movies or mix with my friends and have fun. My parents would say no. Even boyfriends are a no. They want to see my boyfriend and approved and stamped then i could have a relationship with him. I feel like in jail all the time. I couldn't tell. Because i may hurt their feelings. Now they let me out but they still control me and stalk me sometimes. I feel so unsafe, no sense of freedom. It's like PARTYING AND MIXING WITH MY FRIENDS IS A CRIME. But if i hangout with people THEY know then it's ok. The problem is i can't mix with THEIR people. They're so IN and OUTdated sometimes. I cannot communicate with them. I don't talk to them much. So i was the QUIET ONE. It's so embarrassing when you're in a middle of something and your parent come and get all squishy and disgusting or even mad for being late or the meeting time has extended. Most of all i'm PISSED.
My dad is the worst. He doesn't know how to use facebook. Why young people like us use facebook? I'm so speechless my mom is so much better than him. Seriously. Now he FORCED me to do three things:
1. Change my FACEBOOK NAME!!
2. Announce to others to call me that BULLSHIT name.
3. Ask me to send my college friends picture through email.
HELLO? Am i missing something?? Does he know what is facebook. Oh, i;m sorry. HE DOESN'T!!
So here i am. Typing what i feel and pouring tears at the same time. Sounds so drama that makes me speechless. I'm having a BITCH FIT for the day. It's not HEALTHY for me. But i can't change or control my emotions. I really wanted to call a day off.
AAARRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!
